The Holidays and Our Anatomy Scan!

Hello everyone! I hope you all have had a fantastic ChristmaHanaKwanzika!! I can tell you that our Christmas celebration FAR exceeded my expectations. As you may know ( as read in my last blog), things got rough for my family this year. With the help of local programs, friends, and family, we were able to get the necessities taken care of, and I am still overwhelmingly thankful. I can't wait to get on better standing to start paying these gifts forward! Even with all of the basic necessities covered, we were still on shaky ground and it left no wiggle room whatsoever, so getting any Christmas gifts for anyone this year was out of the question. I know that gifts are not the reason for the season, but one of the things that gives ME the most holiday spirit and feeling of wellbeing is giving my family and friends gifts that I took time to think about and really having them in mind when doing so. So, not being able to do that this year was disappointing for me, and for Phillip. We knew that everyone understood, but it was still hard for us. Christmas Eve we traditionally go to my parent's house to spend the night. The kids were so excited, and that was neat to see. This year was probably the first time that they both understood what was going on and they couldn't wait to see what Santa was bringing them. Grandma set out the cookies and milk (Jaxon had a little bit of a hard time understanding that those were for SANTA...not for him...) and Phillip and I tucked the boys in bed and read them the Christmas Story from the Bible. They have been learning about God and Jesus at their daycare and have been asking many questions about it when they get home. Phillip was excited to share the story with them so they could learn where and how Jesus was born. Phillip and I had limited options for sleep that night...the bed that the kids were in downstairs was not big enough for all 4 of us, the couch that my Uncle sleeps on would have fit us but my Uncle keeps the TV on all through the night and on LOUD, which made it impossible to get any sleep for us at all. Upstairs there was one long couch and one love seat....we made those work as best as we could but I can tell you...it was not the most restful sleep I've ever had.
The kids got up early and were STOKED to see that Santa had come! And boy, did Santa go all out. Gramma and Grandpa Claus made sure that everyone had PLENTY of gifts and really made the boys' Christmas morning special. I can't thank them enough for all that they do for me and my family. We had a low key day of playing with our new toys, and the boys went down for a short nap. When they woke up, it was time to get ready for Phillip's family to come over! With them, they brought a SECOND Christmas for us and the kids. I couldn't believe it! We had an awesome dinner (my mom made lasagna from scratch..YUM) and then opened all the gifts again! All in all, we were spoiled ROTTEN from both sides. All of our family just plain rocks.
Yesterday was the twins' anatomy scan! My dad hauled me all the way to Omaha to get it done! Everything went well...the babies look good. I have about 2 pounds of just baby in there...not including placentas and fluid and all that. Baby B was seen first and he (yes, still boys!) was sitting on Baby A's head. Imagine that. Looks like we've got another Jaxon in there. Lol! We got to see their faces, which was awesome! The only kind of iffy news is that when we were looking at Baby A, they had a hard time seeing all of the arteries in the umbilical cord. They said that sometimes, babies develop with one artery short. All this means is that the growth of that baby may be affected, and the only thing we can do about it is monitor the baby closely. Which we are doing any way because I'm high risk. So, every two weeks I'll continue to get ultrasounds, and in 4 weeks I have to go back to Omaha. Also, the doctor in Omaha wants my thyroid checked again, and wants me to continue closely monitoring my blood sugars. Even though my sugars are good for now, he's pretty sure I'll develop  gestational diabetes. All I can do is try to continue to eat right, check my sugars, and keep a close eye on it.
I have noticed an increase in morning sickness again. I really thought I'd be lucky and have my sickness go away by 12 weeks like it had with both the boys. No such luck. I've been sick at least 3 days a week, at random times during the day. Right now, it happens to be morning and YEP, I'm sick. I think I need to start eating more small meals throughout the day.
Well, it's time to get my day started. I hope that I have the energy to clean the house today. That's another thing I've noticed. I've been SO TIRED lately. I hope everyone has an awesome day!

The Christmas Explosion at Grandma and Grandpa Claus' house!

Jaxon's New Minion Hat and gloves!

The boys in their new Husker gear from Nana!   Twin A's little face!

On babies and boobs.

Hello all!

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated. Truth be told, I definitely tried! The morning after my anatomy scan, I typed out this huge long entry about it and Christmas and it even had pictures! And...I hit the wrong key and erased the whole thing. *sigh* So, this is my second attempt, with some taken out, and some added in as things have progressed and developed.

First off, I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season.  My family, and Phillip’s family, absolutely spoiled us rotten this year for Christmas. The kids had a blast, and it was fun because this year they both really understood what was going on and enjoyed the holiday. New Year’s went by in a blur, and the only resolution I have is to be a better mom! I hope I can keep that resolution not only for this year, but for all my years to come! 

So, back to my anatomy scan! My dad and I went to Omaha on Friday, December 27^th for my 20-ish week scan of the twins. The boys looked good! Baby B happened to be sitting on Baby A’s head the whole time and wiggled constantly. It was funny to feel it AND see it on the screen as it was happening. Baby B was much easier to be seen and we got a lot of good measurements on him. He was right at 1 pound and measured basically right on track (give or take a few days). Baby A was harder to be seen. He likes to hide from the camera, apparently. The only little hiccup in the whole thing was that they could not find Baby A’s third artery in his umbilical cord. Which isn’t a HUGE deal, even singleton pregnancies can have this happen...all it means is that I’ll require a little more observation (which I’m getting anyway) to make sure Baby A’s growing according to schedule. He was measuring at about 15ounces that day so he’s keeping up with his brother pretty well! The doctor in Omaha seemed a little more concerned about my blood sugar than what I’ve experienced so far. In fact, he’s pretty dang sure that by the end of this pregnancy I’ll be diabetic and need medications/insulin. So far, when I take my sugars...they’re relatively normal. My fasting blood sugars have been about 97...my blood sugars after eating are in the 120’s. I really don’t like being told that I’m GOING to have gestational diabetes. I mean, I know it’s the doctor’s job to be concerned and to be up front with me, but that stubborn little voice in my head LOVES to talk back and make me want to prove people wrong. All in all, I KNOW that it is very possible, and even probable, that I’ll have some issues with diabetes as my pregnancy progresses....but that doesn’t mean that I have to like hearing it. Also, the doctor in Omaha seemed somewhat concerned about my thyroid levels. Thyroid issues run in my family and when I was not pregnant, some of my levels were elevated. We had them checked immediately once I found out I was pregnant and they came back normal. However, the doctor said that this doesn’t mean that I’m out of the woods. Pregnancy can trick the thyroid into thinking it either needs to overproduce, or under produce. So, he thinks that if I was high, and then normal, that my thyroid levels could now be getting TOO low, which is a problem as well. He told me that he would like my blood drawn at my next appointment, which I assumed was in 2 weeks.  Well, that 2 week appointment was yesterday and I asked my normal OB about it and she didn’t seem nearly as concerned about it. I didn’t get my blood drawn, so I’m wondering if they mean to draw it in my next appointment in Omaha, which is in 2 weeks. I should have asked in greater depth yesterday, but I chickened out about it. Babies both looked good on ultrasound yesterday as well, with baby B weighing in at 1 pound 6 ounces, and baby A weighing 1 pound 4 ounces. J

My newest issue that I’ve been slightly obsessing about is breastfeeding.  With Aiden, I wanted to nurse/pump. He was premature and by the time I could actually try to nurse him, the nurses in the NICU kind of just positioned him on me, but he never latched on. We tried a nipple shield without much success and I was kind of sent home without knowing much about how to get him to latch on. I pumped breast milk until he was about 3 months old but I never got fully dedicated it to it...I was stressed all the time and worried about my production. It was not an enjoyable experience whatsoever.  With Jaxon, I decided against nursing because of my negative experience with my Aiden. I regret that decision a LOT. This time around, I would really really love to nurse, but I'm terrified! I feel like a completely new mom, I have NO idea how to go about nursing one, let alone 2. I know there are resources out there for me...classes, lactation consultants, peers...and I plan on using all of those resources but I feel like I tried to prepare myself with Aiden by doing those things without much luck. Also, I have no idea when these babies will decide to come. Of course, I’m planning on keeping them in there as long as I can...but I’m worried that if they come early, they’ll have to be in the NICU and then my chances of breastfeeding exclusively in the hospital (my original plan) will be ruined.  What I would love to do is exclusively breastfeed in the hospital, and when we bring them home breastfeed in during the day, and pump as much as I can so I can have a supply for nights (mostly so I can get some help at night.) I don’t know if this is a smart plan, as I’m not sure the babies will be able to go back and forth from bottle to breast...I just don’t know about a LOT of things when it comes to breast feeding. It seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world, but I am SCARED. Hah. I’m sure I’ll figure it all out as I go.

Well that’s all that I have for you for now, my friends. Hopefully I’ll get around to updating more frequently!

Baby A's face!

Little Peanut!

 

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

It's been a little while since I've updated. Some of that is due to some serious financial issues we've had (which I'll get in to here in a little bit), and some of it is because I'm in a strange in-between place right now.
My last entry was a little on the negative side. I said what I felt like I needed to say, but I think I hurt some people's feelings in the process, and that was never my intention. I'm sure it's pregnancy hormones, but BIG news...especially news that isn't exactly what I want to hear, I react badly to in the moment. Badly may be a bit of an understatement. I am very easy to cry, to be depressed, and...for lack of a better term...plain old freak out. Which, unfortunately, is how I reacted to the twin boy news.
I am much better, where that is concerned. I feel like everything happens for a reason. I know how to deal with boys. We have named them, and I LOVE their names. We aren't exactly keeping the names a secret, but I guess I prefer being discreet about them? I haven't NOT told anyone that's asked, but I'm not forthcoming with the names right off the bat, like I was with Aiden and Jaxon. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm just going with it for now. My dad takes me to Omaha on the 27th of this month for my anatomy scan, and I'm really excited! My dad and I have always been close, but when it comes to pregnancy I think it's a little awkward for him, understandably. We haven't really discussed anything about this pregnancy, actually. It doesn't BOTHER me, but I really am looking forward to him getting to actually see an ultrasound! He never has with either of the boys, and I'm excited that we can share a moment, just us two. I warned him already about the goo going on my belly. Ha! It will be neat to see his reaction to seeing the babies and, as always, I love seeing them too.
Well, now to move on to the difficulties we have experienced the last couple weeks. (Which actually starts a couple months ago.) At the end of September, Phillip was let go from his job. It was a sudden and surprising turn of events, because he was the head of the welding department. He immediately started searching for new jobs, including putting his information in to the three staffing agencies here in town. He had very little luck finding ANYTHING. Finally, one of the staffing agencies called him with a last minute job that was...less than exciting. However, we could not afford for him to NOT have a job any longer so he took it, even though it was a cut in pay and hours. We figured with some budgeting, we could manage and still look for something else in the meantime. He was promised 40+ hours a week, and we based our "budget" on him getting those hours consistently. He had a job interview at a place about a half an hour away, that he had worked for before. This job seemed ideal because it was welding, which Phillip has experience doing, and the pay was better. He had a good interview, passed his welding test, and was told he would be getting a call back. Over a month passed, and we never heard back from them. So, with that behind us we tried submitting applications on the internet, while he worked TERRIBLE hours at the unfavorable job. We started to notice that they were cutting hours short about a month ago. It started really cutting back around Thanksgiving. We weren't making enough money to get by any more. We were very late with November's rent and bills, and after Thanksgiving, it only got worse. The first thing to get shut off was our cable and internet. Not a huge deal, you don't need those things to survive. I made some calls to our power company and told them our situation and got a short extension. Rent was not paid in full. Our kitchen was empty of food, save for a few items for the kids that we were trying to make last as far as we could. On the 10th of this month, we received an eviction notice. I got paid from my job that day but could only give a small payment, as I'm only working 2 days a week. There was not enough money for food, for gas, for rent or bills...I had to do what I could to keep a roof over our heads. I went to the salvation army and received help with rent through them. Luckily, we had made small payments to rent so the amount owed was not astronomical. I despise asking for help. It's part pride, but it's also an issue in my mind...Surely there are families in my town that need that money just as badly as we do. And what if, by my accepting help, I'm taking it away from them? It something I still struggle with before I go to bed at night. So, rent was covered for this month, but food and bills were not. In a time of weakness and depression, I updated a status on Facebook about how bad the situation had gotten and how awful I felt that I could not provide for my kids. Phillip was beside himself, as well. I started receiving some messages from friends on Facebook asking for my address. I struggled with the decision to reply. I didn't want to take anything from them, or their families. How can I? When I sent messages back I wanted them to know how much I appreciated their offer, but how much it bothered me inside to accept their gifts. Not because of them at all, but because I should be able to get these simple things for my family. It should not have to be any one else's responsibility. But, at the same time, my empty refrigerator was screaming at me, and the weight of this situation was getting unbearable. I accepted the fact that these people wanted to help me, and I vowed to pay it back in some way, and pay it forward in others. I did find some help from a food pantry in town. They gave us some canned goods and some frozen meats, enough for a few days worth of good meals for the kids and us.  I also got enrolled in the WIC program, finally. That helped us get some milk and eggs and fresh fruits and veggies. These things are so immensely helpful. Our families came together to help us, as well. My mom let us invade her house for a meal while the kids were in daycare. My uncle gave us some gas money to be able to find help. Phillip's mom sent us some gas money as well, and that allowed him to get to Lexington and back( because he got that job finally!), and put gas in my car. My best friend took all of us out for dinner one night. And today, I came home from dropping the kids off to find a large package on my doorstep. One of my friends that had messaged me on Facebook sent us a BEAUTIFUL feast for the holidays. I am simply overwhelmed. Just completely overwhelmed with the support that we've received. Because of the help from others, my family is safe, and warm, and fed....and I just can't thank you all enough. Things got really bad for a while there. Really bad, to a point that I've never really been before. And honestly, even with all of this help, we aren't out of the woods yet. There are still a few odds and ends that I'm working on trying to get figured out, but the overwhelming hopelessness has decreased by A LOT. And I really am grateful. And lucky. Phillip's new job is a huge opportunity, Christmas is coming up soon, and my kids are happy. That's what matters. I really am wishing you all a very Merry Christmas. I can't wait to tell you about my anatomy scan two days later! Love to you all<3

Our package from my friend Megan! So Thankful!!<3

 

The Byrd Brothers.

A lot has been going on the last week or so and I haven't wanted to update too much. I guess now will be a good time to go ahead and get it all out there.
About a week or so ago, I started getting sick. It wasn't awful, and I mostly thought it was allergies, but as the days went on I kept getting worse. Finally, on Thanksgiving Day, I decided to go to the hospital because I stopped being able to feel the babies and my illness was only getting worse. I was worried about having pneumonia, which I have had in the past and it is not fun. At the hospital, I got prescribed antibiotics, and I got an ultrasound to make sure babies were okay. Luckily, they were. Strong heartbeats and wiggling around like crazy (which I could now feel...maybe they just wanted their pictures taken?). The ultrasound tech said at that time that he thought he could see one of them that looked like a boy, but couldn't quite see the second. Which of course, made me feel like I was right, that one was a boy and one was a girl.
After the hospital, I was able to go home and my husband made me and the boys an awesome Thanksgiving dinner. I couldn't taste or eat much, but I was so appreciative that he did that for us. We had a relaxing day, we watched the parade and it was fun watching the boys try all of the holiday foods.
In the middle of my last two appointments, I was getting calls from the Diabetes Center in town, apparently I was required to go to diabetic education. Even though I technically passed my glucose test, I was still high risk and borderline. So, yesterday I had to go to the center and learn about gestational diabetes, what kind of diet to follow, and how to check my blood sugar. They now want me to check my blood sugar 4 times a day (even though she took mine in the office and it was a 97....which is good!) and I got ordered all of the special gadgets to make checking my blood possible.
With everything going on, school has unfortunately taken a back seat. I got officially put on Disability Student Services, because I am high risk and will be missing school. So, I made an appointment for this Wednesday to talk to all of my teachers, and I will be asking for "Incompletes" in my classes. That will give me a full year to get my work completed without having an impact on my GPA. I will be needing to take a year off anyway, the second half of my pregnancy is only going to be harder than my first. And then, I'll have a total of four babies to deal with.
Which leads me to my doctor's appointment yesterday.
We went in after my 24 hour urine analysis (SO MUCH FUN....not). I found out I lost more weight, which is good for me. And, then it was time for ultrasound. We found out that both babies are boys. And I'm going to say in here what I wanted to say on Facebook, and some of you will not like it. When you tell me, "You're going to have your hands full" or "Oh god, what are you going to do?" or "Aww, did you want a girl?", all of those things make me incredibly angry. Why, in your right mind, would you ever say that to someone? Especially some of you who knew how badly I wanted my last pregnancy to result in having a girl. And some of you, who know what I'm going through with my younger son, and how scared I am to add two more boys to it. When you say things like that, it makes me what to completely shut you out. It makes me feel like you do NOT need to be around, you do NOT support me, and it feels like you enjoy taunting me just a little bit. Also, if you say congratulations to my face, and then go behind my back to tell people how awful you feel for me, chances are I'll find that out, if I have not already found out. And chances are, I'll cut off any involvement with you.
I wasn't shy about my preference for a girl this time around, and I even made a public statement that I believed there was one girl twin in there. I truly did believe that, with all of my heart. So, when I found out I'm having two boys, a part of my heart broke because my dreams of having a girl are over. I will not be having any more children. I will not put my body through this again, this has been too incredibly difficult for me. I was not excited when I heard the news of two boys, mostly because of the comments I knew I was going to get, and have indeed gotten. It truly is a shame that I did not want to announce the genders, because I was worried about what my FRIENDS might say. What does that say about the friends I have? I was not excited, and truth be told I'm not excited yet. I know I will be, eventually. I know that I'll love them. And I know I'll handle it, I know how to deal with boys.
Sorry I can't end this on a completely happy note. I already feel bad enough about being disappointed. I know, in the back of my mind, that all that should matter is that babies are healthy. Every mother says that. "Well as long as they're healthy..." and I know, I know. That is what matters. But I think those mothers are lying if they say they didn't have a preference. I'm just not dancing around the fact that I did have one.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't the rainbows and butterflies that a lot of you like to read about. Hopefully my next entry will be a little more on the positive side.

Proof of the Twin-ness

Just 4 months and some change along...

Holy Baby Bump, Batman.

Flock of Byrds!

Well, hello world! I have new news on the twin-front! Yesterday I went to the doctor with my momma, which was a blessing in and of itself because she helped me keep my thoughts organized and made sure I asked all of the question on my hastily scrawled list.
I was going for my regular check up and for my first glucose test. One of my blood levels was on the high end of normal my very first check up, so this was test was done early for me and babies to make sure we didn't need to take some extra steps. Fortunately, I passed! My blood sugar and my hemoglobin were perfect! Such a huge relief. I was so worried because of my size, and just carrying twins increases your risk of gestational diabetes, so WOW, I feel better.
It seems like I have a few more bumps in the road, though. Before my next appointment in two weeks, I have to do a 24 hour urine analysis. Not super happy about it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I'll get through it, it's just a little inconvenient. Also, two days after Christmas, I have to make a trip to Omaha. Apparently, because of my size, I have to get a special ultrasound. Okay, okay, I'm being dramatic. It's also because I'm having twins and the ultrasound machines they have in my current doctor's office is not as high tech. So, when we go in for our 20 week anatomy scan, we'll be able to make absolutely sure that both babies are growing normally and safely!
We did get another ultrasound yesterday, and get ready, because I'm about to get mushy. I didn't make it a secret that I wasn't thrilled when I found out that we were having twins. I was scared (Okay, I still am) and I was upset and I felt AWFUL for feeling either of those things. I struggled hard with guilt and depression and anger, all combined with the psychotic mood swings of a pregnant lady to begin with. The first week after finding out was not a fun one.
However, I watched my two babies yesterday and fell in love. Oh, man. Baby A, who we saw first on all three ultrasounds was there with a perfect little profile. He or She was patient while the doctor took measurements, and waved a few times for the camera. Baby B, who was the little stinker hiding out, finally started showing some personality. Legs kicking, arms waving, booty shaking, barely held still during the entire ultrasound. I closed my eyes during both heartbeats and I just listened to them. It was all I could hear and I felt like my heart and theirs were trying to find synchronicity. And everything clicked. Of course, I supposed to have twins. Of course, I will be able to love them fully. I already do. They are mine, and they know me, just like I know them. This was how it was meant to be. Life is not supposed to make sense all of the time, and it's not supposed to be easy. But I know I can do this. I know I can, because if there is one thing I am GREAT at, it is loving my kids. I'm getting just a little teary eyed over here, not only because I'm feeling the little thump-thumps of my little ones inside, I'm also hearing the gentle snores of my oldest son and I'm feeling so full and complete. I really am so very lucky.
OKAY, more about the twins! We found out that the twins are Dichorionic/Diamniotic. Di/di twins are the most common type of twins and the lowest risk, thank God.  Di/di twins can be identical if the egg split very early, but fraternal twins are always di/di.  In di/di twins, each twin has their own placenta and their own amniotic sac.  Di/di twin pregnancies have increased risks over singleton pregnancies, but this is the best case scenario in twin world.  The biggest worries tend to be going into preterm labor and making sure both babies are growing adequately. I am also relieved to hear this news. I am already high risk as it is, I was so worried about this.
I'm not one for making predictions, because I really don't want to have my heart set on something and then be set up for "disappointment". But, I really feel like I have one boy and one girl in there. Something just feels like it's telling me I have one of each. I feel like Baby A is my little lady, and Baby B snuck in there to be my third rowdy boy. I know I could be totally wrong (And I probably am, since I'm putting this in the blog universe for everyone to see), but for whatever reason I just feel like that's how it is in there. At one point during the ultrasound yesterday, the babies were trying to play footsy and it was the cutest thing. I can't wait to see the bond they share outside of my tummy.
This weekend is my boy's birthday "party", which is actually just shaping up to be a very small get together, and I am excited to spend the day celebrating my two little men. I got both boys a present each and tomorrow I'm going out to get streamers and candles and balloons....even if no one comes we'll have a blast and that's what I'm looking forward to. I am actually excited for the holidays this year. I can't wait for Thanksgiving. Aiden is already ready for Santa and Jaxon keeps pointing out Christmas lights he sees on TV. I'm determined to not have this holiday season be a bummer. Especially since I'll be getting a wonderful Christmas present two days after...:)
I will be updating more frequently from here on; our adventures are just beginning!

 

Baby Byrds

So, a week from today I go in to the doctor again. I've had a week to digest the news that we're going to have two babies instead of one, and I feel like I'm doing a little better. I know I will have my good days and my bad ones, but for right now I'm doing alright. I'm a little nervous about my upcoming appointment. I'll be going in for an early glucose test because on my first pregnancy visit, my blood sugar levels were a tad elevated. My doctor didn't seem too worried about it, even though I am obese. I think because I've had no troubles with gestational diabetes with my last two pregnancies, she figures I'll probably be okay with this one. She just wants to be as cautious as possible with me, which I appreciate.
I am just about 14 weeks this week and I am showing. With the boys, I showed lower than I am with these babies. I am showing very high up, and my tummy is very tight. I have felt babies move, mostly on my left side and low. It felt like both babies were squishing my bladder at one point this weekend. The last two days I've had some pretty extreme nausea early in the day, even with my medicine. Even with the nausea early, my appetite later in the day has increased a lot. I'm trying not to overindulge and only eat when I know I am legitimately hungry to keep my weight gain as little as possible. I feel pretty good about it so far, a lot of twin blogs that I've read talk about weight gain starting even earlier in the pregnancy than I am now. I am still, as of last week, down over 10 pounds. 
I will be updating more in a week when I find out the results of my glucose test, and hopefully I'll have some more news about the twins. I'm hoping to get answers to a BUNCH of questions that I have now. :)