The Byrd Brothers.

A lot has been going on the last week or so and I haven't wanted to update too much. I guess now will be a good time to go ahead and get it all out there.
About a week or so ago, I started getting sick. It wasn't awful, and I mostly thought it was allergies, but as the days went on I kept getting worse. Finally, on Thanksgiving Day, I decided to go to the hospital because I stopped being able to feel the babies and my illness was only getting worse. I was worried about having pneumonia, which I have had in the past and it is not fun. At the hospital, I got prescribed antibiotics, and I got an ultrasound to make sure babies were okay. Luckily, they were. Strong heartbeats and wiggling around like crazy (which I could now feel...maybe they just wanted their pictures taken?). The ultrasound tech said at that time that he thought he could see one of them that looked like a boy, but couldn't quite see the second. Which of course, made me feel like I was right, that one was a boy and one was a girl.
After the hospital, I was able to go home and my husband made me and the boys an awesome Thanksgiving dinner. I couldn't taste or eat much, but I was so appreciative that he did that for us. We had a relaxing day, we watched the parade and it was fun watching the boys try all of the holiday foods.
In the middle of my last two appointments, I was getting calls from the Diabetes Center in town, apparently I was required to go to diabetic education. Even though I technically passed my glucose test, I was still high risk and borderline. So, yesterday I had to go to the center and learn about gestational diabetes, what kind of diet to follow, and how to check my blood sugar. They now want me to check my blood sugar 4 times a day (even though she took mine in the office and it was a 97....which is good!) and I got ordered all of the special gadgets to make checking my blood possible.
With everything going on, school has unfortunately taken a back seat. I got officially put on Disability Student Services, because I am high risk and will be missing school. So, I made an appointment for this Wednesday to talk to all of my teachers, and I will be asking for "Incompletes" in my classes. That will give me a full year to get my work completed without having an impact on my GPA. I will be needing to take a year off anyway, the second half of my pregnancy is only going to be harder than my first. And then, I'll have a total of four babies to deal with.
Which leads me to my doctor's appointment yesterday.
We went in after my 24 hour urine analysis (SO MUCH FUN....not). I found out I lost more weight, which is good for me. And, then it was time for ultrasound. We found out that both babies are boys. And I'm going to say in here what I wanted to say on Facebook, and some of you will not like it. When you tell me, "You're going to have your hands full" or "Oh god, what are you going to do?" or "Aww, did you want a girl?", all of those things make me incredibly angry. Why, in your right mind, would you ever say that to someone? Especially some of you who knew how badly I wanted my last pregnancy to result in having a girl. And some of you, who know what I'm going through with my younger son, and how scared I am to add two more boys to it. When you say things like that, it makes me what to completely shut you out. It makes me feel like you do NOT need to be around, you do NOT support me, and it feels like you enjoy taunting me just a little bit. Also, if you say congratulations to my face, and then go behind my back to tell people how awful you feel for me, chances are I'll find that out, if I have not already found out. And chances are, I'll cut off any involvement with you.
I wasn't shy about my preference for a girl this time around, and I even made a public statement that I believed there was one girl twin in there. I truly did believe that, with all of my heart. So, when I found out I'm having two boys, a part of my heart broke because my dreams of having a girl are over. I will not be having any more children. I will not put my body through this again, this has been too incredibly difficult for me. I was not excited when I heard the news of two boys, mostly because of the comments I knew I was going to get, and have indeed gotten. It truly is a shame that I did not want to announce the genders, because I was worried about what my FRIENDS might say. What does that say about the friends I have? I was not excited, and truth be told I'm not excited yet. I know I will be, eventually. I know that I'll love them. And I know I'll handle it, I know how to deal with boys.
Sorry I can't end this on a completely happy note. I already feel bad enough about being disappointed. I know, in the back of my mind, that all that should matter is that babies are healthy. Every mother says that. "Well as long as they're healthy..." and I know, I know. That is what matters. But I think those mothers are lying if they say they didn't have a preference. I'm just not dancing around the fact that I did have one.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't the rainbows and butterflies that a lot of you like to read about. Hopefully my next entry will be a little more on the positive side.