My last entry was a little on the negative side. I said what I felt like I needed to say, but I think I hurt some people's feelings in the process, and that was never my intention. I'm sure it's pregnancy hormones, but BIG news...especially news that isn't exactly what I want to hear, I react badly to in the moment. Badly may be a bit of an understatement. I am very easy to cry, to be depressed, and...for lack of a better term...plain old freak out. Which, unfortunately, is how I reacted to the twin boy news.
I am much better, where that is concerned. I feel like everything happens for a reason. I know how to deal with boys. We have named them, and I LOVE their names. We aren't exactly keeping the names a secret, but I guess I prefer being discreet about them? I haven't NOT told anyone that's asked, but I'm not forthcoming with the names right off the bat, like I was with Aiden and Jaxon. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm just going with it for now. My dad takes me to Omaha on the 27th of this month for my anatomy scan, and I'm really excited! My dad and I have always been close, but when it comes to pregnancy I think it's a little awkward for him, understandably. We haven't really discussed anything about this pregnancy, actually. It doesn't BOTHER me, but I really am looking forward to him getting to actually see an ultrasound! He never has with either of the boys, and I'm excited that we can share a moment, just us two. I warned him already about the goo going on my belly. Ha! It will be neat to see his reaction to seeing the babies and, as always, I love seeing them too.
Well, now to move on to the difficulties we have experienced the last couple weeks. (Which actually starts a couple months ago.) At the end of September, Phillip was let go from his job. It was a sudden and surprising turn of events, because he was the head of the welding department. He immediately started searching for new jobs, including putting his information in to the three staffing agencies here in town. He had very little luck finding ANYTHING. Finally, one of the staffing agencies called him with a last minute job that was...less than exciting. However, we could not afford for him to NOT have a job any longer so he took it, even though it was a cut in pay and hours. We figured with some budgeting, we could manage and still look for something else in the meantime. He was promised 40+ hours a week, and we based our "budget" on him getting those hours consistently. He had a job interview at a place about a half an hour away, that he had worked for before. This job seemed ideal because it was welding, which Phillip has experience doing, and the pay was better. He had a good interview, passed his welding test, and was told he would be getting a call back. Over a month passed, and we never heard back from them. So, with that behind us we tried submitting applications on the internet, while he worked TERRIBLE hours at the unfavorable job. We started to notice that they were cutting hours short about a month ago. It started really cutting back around Thanksgiving. We weren't making enough money to get by any more. We were very late with November's rent and bills, and after Thanksgiving, it only got worse. The first thing to get shut off was our cable and internet. Not a huge deal, you don't need those things to survive. I made some calls to our power company and told them our situation and got a short extension. Rent was not paid in full. Our kitchen was empty of food, save for a few items for the kids that we were trying to make last as far as we could. On the 10th of this month, we received an eviction notice. I got paid from my job that day but could only give a small payment, as I'm only working 2 days a week. There was not enough money for food, for gas, for rent or bills...I had to do what I could to keep a roof over our heads. I went to the salvation army and received help with rent through them. Luckily, we had made small payments to rent so the amount owed was not astronomical. I despise asking for help. It's part pride, but it's also an issue in my mind...Surely there are families in my town that need that money just as badly as we do. And what if, by my accepting help, I'm taking it away from them? It something I still struggle with before I go to bed at night. So, rent was covered for this month, but food and bills were not. In a time of weakness and depression, I updated a status on Facebook about how bad the situation had gotten and how awful I felt that I could not provide for my kids. Phillip was beside himself, as well. I started receiving some messages from friends on Facebook asking for my address. I struggled with the decision to reply. I didn't want to take anything from them, or their families. How can I? When I sent messages back I wanted them to know how much I appreciated their offer, but how much it bothered me inside to accept their gifts. Not because of them at all, but because I should be able to get these simple things for my family. It should not have to be any one else's responsibility. But, at the same time, my empty refrigerator was screaming at me, and the weight of this situation was getting unbearable. I accepted the fact that these people wanted to help me, and I vowed to pay it back in some way, and pay it forward in others. I did find some help from a food pantry in town. They gave us some canned goods and some frozen meats, enough for a few days worth of good meals for the kids and us. I also got enrolled in the WIC program, finally. That helped us get some milk and eggs and fresh fruits and veggies. These things are so immensely helpful. Our families came together to help us, as well. My mom let us invade her house for a meal while the kids were in daycare. My uncle gave us some gas money to be able to find help. Phillip's mom sent us some gas money as well, and that allowed him to get to Lexington and back( because he got that job finally!), and put gas in my car. My best friend took all of us out for dinner one night. And today, I came home from dropping the kids off to find a large package on my doorstep. One of my friends that had messaged me on Facebook sent us a BEAUTIFUL feast for the holidays. I am simply overwhelmed. Just completely overwhelmed with the support that we've received. Because of the help from others, my family is safe, and warm, and fed....and I just can't thank you all enough. Things got really bad for a while there. Really bad, to a point that I've never really been before. And honestly, even with all of this help, we aren't out of the woods yet. There are still a few odds and ends that I'm working on trying to get figured out, but the overwhelming hopelessness has decreased by A LOT. And I really am grateful. And lucky. Phillip's new job is a huge opportunity, Christmas is coming up soon, and my kids are happy. That's what matters. I really am wishing you all a very Merry Christmas. I can't wait to tell you about my anatomy scan two days later! Love to you all<3
Our package from my friend Megan! So Thankful!!<3
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