Quite a lot has happened in the last 24 hours and I'm still reeling. Yesterday morning began like any other day. I got the kids up and dressed and took them to daycare. All that I had planned for the day was Bible study in the morning and my OB appointment in the afternoon. After dropping the kids off, I noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from my sister in law. All the voicemail said was to call her back, and that it was about dad (my father in law). So, got a hold of her and she said that she didn't know much, just that her cousin had called her and told her that her dad had leukemia and was not doing well. We didn't know where he was (he and his wife live in Mississippi, and travel from doctor to doctor) or how bad it was. So, we decided to call around to different hospitals to see if he was admitted. I found him on my first call, and talked to his wife who told me the details. Apparently the last few weeks he had been acting strangely, but he was refusing to be seen by a doctor. Last Saturday he started having bad chest pains and he decided he needed to go to the hospital. Worried that he was having a heart attack or a stroke, they hooked him up to see what was going on. They found that his heart was fine, so they started running other tests. It didn't take long for them to find that his body was riddled with leukemia. It was so advanced, that chemo is not an option. The gave him a blood transfusion, but the doctor said it was only a matter of time. He gave him 2-3 weeks to live. He said he'll likely not leave the hospital- if for some reason he can, it would only be to be at home with hospice. So, after finding all of this out, I got back in touch with my sister in law to let her know, and immediately tried to figure out a way to get her and my husband (who, at this point, still had no idea) back down to MS to see their dad before he passes. I called my mom and dad to let them know. Phillip worked at the same place my dad did so I asked dad what the protocol was in order to get Phillip down there without jeopardizing his job, and waited for Phillip to call me on his break. When he did, I explained everything and told him what he needed to do in order to get signed up for FMLA for an unpaid leave. Once I got off the phone with him, his sister and I figured out that flying out would be nearly impossible, so we settled on them driving there. Once that plan was put in to action, I knew I had to get some necessities for Phillip so I started to get ready, when my phone rang again, and it was the boys' daycare. I have mentioned the issues we've had with Jaxon and his behavior. We had been working with a behavior specialist, and that specialist had been working with his daycare. His behavior seemed to be improving at home, but at daycare, it was a different story. So, the head of daycare called and told me that I had to come to get him....and that he needed to be removed from the program completely. I can't particularly blame them, it was just awful timing. I went to go pick him up, and got him home. My mom came to my house to watch him while I rushed off to my OB appt. In the middle of my OB apt, my sister in law calls me again, this time to let me know that my mother in law's husband, Michael, (who has been in the hospital for a week or so after a fall and bleeding in his brain) was taken to emergency surgery because his brain was swelling on one side. Hung up with her, and Phillip calls me. Tells me that he's on his way home (about 3 hours early) because his work told him there was basically nothing they could do for him. He hadn't been there long enough to qualify for FMLA, so they told him to go home, take care of what he needed to do, and then when he was back he could reapply. Which left him without a job, until he gets back...IF they hire him back. Then, the plan changed from Phillip leaving the next morning, to leaving that night and staying at least a week, if not more.
So, I got everything he might need, he packed, and we waited for his sister to pick him up for the long trip. His mom ended up coming over after seeing Michael, whose surgery went well. We got the kids put down for the night, and his sister came. We chatted for a bit before they left. I did not handle them leaving well. I cried a lot. I feel selfish...because I'm crying for the wrong reasons. I don't want to be without Phillip. We've not been apart from each other, where we can't see or touch each other...ever. I know it's not a long time, and I know I should be happy that he gets to see his dad...it's just that all of this is made worse by my hormones and anxiety. Plus, he's my best friend. When I'm feeling awful, he is the only one that calms me, makes me laugh, makes me myself again. I'm just sad...I wish I could be with him.
My automatic defense is to go into hiding. I don't want to see anyone, speak to anyone, do anything....I just want to close the blinds and wait. I haven't given in to those desires. I know I can't, because of the kids. I just...wish we could catch a break. Just for a little bit.
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